City of Ember (USA. 2008)

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Imaginatively designed and directed with a sure-hand by sophomore filmmaker Gil Kenan (Monster House), ‘City of Ember’ has all the makings of a solid kid's film but misses two key ingredients: Excitement and Conflict. It’s a fancy box that ends up containing nothing but wispy air.

After a stylish opening, we’re introduced to a city in dire peril. In the future, all humans live underground and rely on a giant generator for light. That generator is about to break down forever and everyone is in a complete state of denial. Two teenagers, a girl and a boy, are the only ones that can save the day.

‘City of Ember’ held promise. It had a interesting story, a director with a near-classic film under his belt and a a healthy budget to bring the original novel to life. I expected a children-led adventure filled with shocking conspiracies, fantastical monsters and hair-raising adventure. Not quite. Imagine an introduction stretched to a feature length running time. You keep expecting things to burst into action and they never do.

The acting is filled with ‘Hey! It’s that Guy/That Gal From That Thing!’ roles and the two leads are very casual. We even get Bill Murray taking on his first full role (After a slew of tiny cameos and voice work on *shudder* Garfield) in a while. Don’t be surprised to find the same old deadpan Murray without any Ghostbusters or Groundhog Day flair.

Don’t go in thinking this is a kids-on-a-mission films. It’s not. It’s a ‘Kids wander about and stumble onto things’ film. It has potential and completely wastes it. Questions like “Why can’t they go into the darkness?” and “Why are the bugs so big”, “What’s the deal with the blind religious faith that follows the “Builders”?” are brought up and quickly forgotten. There are a few hints of bigger things (A very well rendered giant monster thing) but they tease and never deliver. Even the climax of the film is underwhelming. There’s no reveal, build-up or pay-off. The film simply reaches a conclusion everyone over five knows it’s going to reach.

There’s nothing strictly wrong with ‘City of Ember’. It’s just a workmanlike experience with very little spark. The adults will notice the superb craft of it all and the kids will wish the its boringness was over.

Dance of the Dead (USA. 2008)

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Everyone loves zombies. Your friend loves zombies, your little brother loves zombies and even your ‘too cool to be hip’ grandmother loves those brain munching rascallians. It's gotten to the point that they're lumbering pop-culture jokes. It doesn't help that every first time director wants to create a masterpiece with the 'Z' word right out the gate. The recipe seems so easy: Splatter everything in the red stuff, make people scream and flail their arms and add lots of smash zooms. Instant Cult Classic!? More like a hopelessly contrived mess (Like my writing!) that is trying so hard that it reminds you of that annoying kid who thought that being loud = being funny.

(Hey! I was that kid!)

I wouldn’t have given Dance of the Dead a second though if it weren’t for the Director Gregg Bishop. A few years back he was the mastermind behind the ultra- low budget (It only cost fifteen thousand!) action spectacular ‘The Other Side’ Now armed with a slightly higher cash-roll, he easily dodges the contagious bite of the sophomore slump. While ‘Dance of the Dead’ doesn’t do anything new, just remember the universal rule of storytelling: It's not about what you create out of thin air (The zombie can fly! And shoot fire from their fingertips! And juggle!). It's the journey that matters. 'Dance of the Dead' is all about the building blocks. The story follows a high-school characters that get attacked by an army of flesh eaters on the night of their prom. We’ve got the universal every-teen (Jared Kusnitz), his best friend who’s in love with the unreachable cheerleader, the uni-teen’s flighty sorta girlfriend, a gang of nerds, the tough kid, crazy gym teacher and a few other disposable archetypes that are going to be ripped apart along the way. The story takes about twenty minutes to set up before jumping into high gear with a fantastic ‘Zombies jumping out of their graves as if shot out of a cannon’ sequence that is jaw-dropping in scope. The nuclear-powered zombies in this world are a little ill defined so you’ll have to leave your common sense at the door. They can drive cars, move super fast (Thanks to the magic of frame cutting), and are hypnotized by Metal Music. Purists may balk, but it’s their loss, because we I haven’t seen something as consistently enjoyable as DoD in a blue moon.

The acting ranges from passable to believable (All teens were actually teens. Now that’s innovative) and it was a smart choice to skim lightly on the serious side of things ("He got bit. Isn't he going to change in a zombie any second now?") and stick closely to the ‘It’s a Freaking Fun Zombie Film!” motto. It gets top marks in the 'Audience Pleasing Cult Classic 101' category.

The gore in Dead is strictly of the splatstick variety and is consistently gleeful in squishing heads and ripping spines. Only the ending disappoints in its inability to deliver the balls to the wall climax the inner gore hound craved. The characters are like able, the situations wild and the directorial flourishes innovative without being to distracting. Gregg Bishop is obviously a film fan and I can only imagine the wonders he could paint if he was more expensive paintbrushes and a completely original premise.

Babylon A.D (USA. 2008)

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Mr. Kassovitz, what happened? You wowed us all with the flat-out monumental film ‘La Haine’ in 1995 (Available on DVD in North America from CRITERION) and then…You decide to live a creative life of mediocrity. You directed a passable French thriller (Crimson Rivers), a sub-par Hollywood Horror fest (Gothika) and now you give us a second tier Vin Diesal actionner? Did you have a run in with a vampire that sucked every single drop of talent that once flowed strong through your veins?

In a sad global warming stricken future, Vin Diesel stars as a mercenary hired to transport a young girl (The multi-accented Mélanie Thierry) and her teacher (Michelle Yeoh) across numerous European countries. For comparisons sake, take all the over the top fun of ‘Chronicles of Riddick’, throw it to the side, cast an exhausted Vin Diesel (The guy can barely keep his eyes open here) and bring it all come as a terrible bore. Babylon A.D fails at everything it sets out to do. The action scenes are sloppy and confusing. The science-fiction elements are underdeveloped to the point of being nothing more than pretty set dressings. The closest things to characterizations are people saying things ‘she take of herself’A.K.A The Chinese woman is going to break out the kung-fu. Mathieu Kassovitz has shown time and time again that he can shoot a isually creative film. Sadly, you can only polish a turd so many ways.

When the director is quoted as saying "I'm very unhappy with the film. I never had a chance to do one scene the way it was written or the way I wanted it to be. The script wasn't respected. Bad producers, bad partners, it was a terrible experience." The idea gets across pretty clearly. It doesn’t’ take a super-short movie review to get the idea cross that this is nothing more than a waste of time.

Feast 2: Sloppy Second (USA. 2008)

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FADE TO: I popped the original FEAST into the DVD player to the delight of all the people in the room. They gazed on in semi-bleary fashion. It took about twenty minutes before someone spoke.

“Why are we watching this?” he asked as a woman had a monster penis jammed down her throat, “This has no point.”

“You don’t understand!” I screamed “This is a solid mix of comedy, horror and splatter! You guys are SO WRONG!” And then I was sullen for AT LEAST ten minutes. We never spoke again.

Jump forward two years and change: The original director (John Gulager), the writers and some of the cast are back with FEAST 2: SLOPPY SECOND.

I take back my hissy fit. My friends must have seen into a future-television and instead of watching the pretty solid first film that night, they must have been seeing this film instead. It all makes sense now!

Picking up right after the first film ended, Sloppy Seconds attempts to up everything that people liked about the first film by making everything bigger. They fail miserably. Instead of a wink-and-a –nod cast of slightly self aware horror architects we get a massive cast of characters we could care less for. The Biker Chick (The Director’s Wife) from the first one returns (Well, her sister does at least), the director’s father is back for no reason (Paycheck!) and there’s some Mexican wrestling midgets (None of them are the related to the director. To my knowledge) that don’t do much! It’s a lot less fun then it sounds. Imagine all those characters on a badly green screened roof set. Then they do nothing. You’ve created your own version of FEAST 2!

They all head off into town to meet with a bunch of unmemorable actors and they – you know – I’m not quite sure what the story of this film was. They kind of hang around on a roof and try to get into a prison. That’s about it. The seemingly cool monsters are pushed into broad daylight and are completely rob them of any of the mystique they once had. The gore is an even sadder affair. Almost no one dies in the film (Even though the cast is massive) and the gore arrives few and far between. There are a few absolutely tasteless gags involving grand-mothers and babies but it couldn’t save the train-wreck. I can’t forgive a film that delivers most of its splatter in a CGI fashion. Doesn’t the creative team know abt better? And if you’re telling yourself that they’re saving it for the climax, forget it, the second the shit really hits the fans we cut away and the credits roll. WHAT THE HELL!? Are they saving it all for the film they shot back-to-back with this one, FEAST 3: HAPPY FINISH? Maybe this is all a joke and the third film will explain it for the people slow in the audience, namely, me.

I want to end this review with a pun on the title SLOPPY SECOND. I won’t do it. I’m a better person then that.

Perhaps Love (HONG KONG. 2005)

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Out of all the genres that could pop out of the current wasteland that was once the Hong film industry, I never expected a big-budget musical to lead the pack. Especially when Director/Co-Writer Peter Chan (Famous for a bunch of mid 90’s Romantic Dramas and the president of one of the bigger HK production companies) has gone on record saying that he hates the genre.

Hmmmmmm.

Takeshi Kashaniro stars as Lin, a movie-star starring in a big budget musical directed by famed auteur Nie Wen (Jackie Cheung). It would be nothing more than another gig if it weren’t for the fact that his female co-star (Zhou Xu) is the love of his life (from a decade ago) that broke his heart. Things get even more complicated when you factor in that she’s currently romantically entangled with Nie Wen. I see tragedy and romance set to song in the near future! If you play your cars right, there may even be DANCING!

With cinematography by Peter Pau (All of the Shanghai scenes/the musical numbers) and Christopher Doyle (Everything set in Beijing) I never expected the visual to be anything less than breathtaking. I wasn’t disappointed.. I’m also glad to see Popstar/Actor Jackie Cheung finally appear in front of the cameras again after what feels like a eight year sabbatical. The rest of the cast do a great job at being pretty (Will Takeshi Kashaniro ever age?) and they perform pretty enthusiastically when the film gives them a chance too.

It's a shame they don't get very many chances.

Musicals are constructed to evoke broad emotions. Joy! Happiness! Sadness! All of those eventually lead to the big one: “Love” ‘Perhaps Love’ has the skeleton of the story but it forgets a very important building block: Actually caring for the characters. Everyone in this film is bitter, broken or completely alienated from the world. Even in the flashbacks, the two main characters budding romance held very little joy for either them. You have no one to root for (unless you’re picking the most handsome) in a love triangle were everyone is miserable. Factor in the fact that these people all have pretty cushy lives and the sympathy meter takes an even deeper nose dive. They can’t express their emotions? Boo-Hoo.

The songs themselves are catchy and the numbers big and creative, if a little too quick cut to my taste. They just don’t fit in the film. It almost feels like the director didn’t trust he could keep the audience’s attention unless he keeps everything grounded and ‘real’. We get it. Musicals are not real. People don’t burst into song when emotions are stirred within them. If you don’t like it, or it bugs you, then you don’t watch those films. It’s as simple as that. Don’t try to cheat your around it. Without the songs directly impacting any of the events on screen (they only mirror what we already know) it seems like a superlative addition to a simple romantic drama.

‘Perhaps Love’ is real in a depressing way and big in a hollow way. It’s pretty to look at, slightly memorable and it did sweep the HK Academy Awards in 2005, so maybe I’m just a speaking from a cold granite heart.

Sukiyaki Western Django

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More of exercise in aggressive style then an actual movie, Sukiyaki Western Django is fun sensatory candy and little else. Based (very loosely) on the Italian Django films series, the story follows a young Japanese Cowboy (Hideaki Ito ) who rides into a town and gets himself caught in between two gangs, the whites and the reds, that are after the town’s secret buried gold. Throw in a wronged woman seeking revenge, an old lady with a secret past, a terrible cameo from Quentin Tarantino and a slew oddball characters on the side-lines and you have yourself…a movie? Not really. For it’s international release, the film was cut from it’s extremely painful 138 minute running time down to a more easily digestible 95 minute one (Both will be available on the North American DVD release) the final Django product is breathy ride that is fun while it lasts, is filled with vivid visual flourishes (and swooping sound effects) ands is ultimately a hollow beast. The action arrives in short burst, is competently done, and unspectacular. The idea of having everyone in the film speak their dialogue in English phonetically makes for some hilarious line readings but gets old pretty quick. Don’t see it without Subtitles. I was disappointed that the concept of a Japanese/American Western was never fully utilized. Sure, some of the set design and costumes reflected the fact that the film took place in a weird pseudo-reality, yet, they never pulled out all the stops and created a complete culture clash.

(He’s only bitching because the Sword/Gun fights that we’re promised never really materialized)

Even with all of the negativity, I highly recommend the film for what it is. Nothing more.

Nine Souls (JAPAN. 2003)

Nine men escape from a Japanese prison and decide to stick together to hunt down the fabled treasure they heard about from a crazy cellmate. Can an elderly man that ran his son over with a car, a porn king midget, a socially retarded teenager that killed his father and a motorcycle gang delinquent get along? I haven’t even mentioned the other five troublemakers.

The first thought as the film jumped to life was: “I am never going to be able to figure out who is how! I’m DOOMED!” Thankfully, Director Toshiaki Toyoda (Blue Springs) never hits a false note. Things begin with a bang of furious motion, but then everything slowly eases into a precise structure that offers every character a chance to have their own story told. The direction is showy enough to be considered energetic, yet I never felt that the style was casting a dark shadow over the character interaction and development.

The acting is solid from everyone on board (Even the midget gets his chance to shine) and that helps the viewer swallow a mid-way tonal shift that is shocking in its ball-out twist. I was easily lulled by the first half’s slightly goofy treasure with all of its slapstick trimmings. Then a climactic event comes out of nowhere and changes everything. The second half is when redemption (or lack therefore) catches up and the protagonists are forced to confront the pasts they left behind. The decisions you make are going to stick around no matter how hard you try to ignore them. With that in mind, all of the narratives threads are brought too their logical (if sometimes dramatically numbing) conclusions. Nothing is left to chance and we get get to witness the end of everyone’s journey. Even the ambiguous final minute is only ambiguous if you’re a dye in the wool optimist. It’s a sobering journey that leaves a slight depressing taste in your mouth, which is masked by the prevailing sense of hope that makes the film as memorable as it is.