Toronto After Dark Day 5

Netherbeast Incorporated (USA. 2007)



Expanded from an award winning short film (which happens to be re-created in the first scene) Nether beast Incorporated deals with the repercussions that come about when a CEO gets amnesia and forgets that the entire office is made up of vampires (Him included). From a funny premise we get a slightly funny movie that starts off strong and quickly loses its way when it attempts to take its premise seriously and squeeze a little drama. They accidentally squeeze out the fun instead. The cast is filled with B-list stars (Dave Foley, Jason Mewes, Darrell Hammond) that can be nothing more of a presence because they aren’t given any material to work with. The ending fails miserably, with completely melodramatic plot twists, a piss poor sound design and a coda that goes on way past its welcome. The first scene is the funniest thing and that's a bad sign when it's a shot-for-shot remake of the short film the entire thing is based on.



Who is K.K Downey? (CANADA. 2008)


Straight from Montreal, Quebec, Who is K.K Downey? is about two loser best friends that attempt to make it big by publishing a sordid tale of fiction called ‘Truck stop Hustler’ and pretending that it’s all true. One of them will pose as the author and the other one will be his ‘Manager’. Unexpectedly the book becomes a smash hit, things get out of hand, the good friend goes bad, and they realize that the price of fame isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. It’s not a new tale by any stretch of the imagination but the presentation of it all is fresh enough to keep you interested. The two leads (Darren Curtis and Matt Silver) are funny in small doses but start to wear out their welcome as the film reaches its conclusion. The satirical vein on the art scene is more playful then darkly comic which is a bit of shame. They poke the scene instead of ripping out it's guts like I hoped for. It's such an easy target that a more brutal take on it would have worked a little better. Still, it’s rare to see such a well put together film coming from our home and native land, so give it a watch even though it kind of runs itself dry before the end credits roll.

Toronto After Dark - Day 3

I ducked behind a garbage can and held my breath. Across the street I could see that Chris had gotten himself completely surrounded. He raised his weak little arms and begged for mercy. The horde didn’t hesitate. A zombie dressed as Ronald McDonald grabbed him by the head and an undead flesh eater dressed like a blushing bride with half her jaw ripped off, held his arms back. Chris tried to scream and all that slipped from his lips was a girlish little whimper “Help me Justin..." I looked away and didn't look back till the screaming stopped.

They ate his kidneys first. The joys of Zombie Walk Day.

The film of the day for me was the pseudo zombie-er Brain Dead. I went in with zero expectation and stepped out unsurprised. The plot is uninspired (A bunch of people get trapped in a cabin and are attacked by a couple of alien zombie type things), and the characters are either aggravating (The smart-ass hero) to annoying (The By-The-Books Butch Lesbian) with nothing in between. It's gives the audience a bad case of the "Why won't they all just die" decease. Kevin S. Tenney’s (of ‘Night of the Demons’ and ‘Witchboard’ fame) direction is pleasantly polished, but he still runs into some weird pacing problems that make the whole jaunt feel like it lasts three hours. If you’re in it for the fun gore, forget it, everything worthwhile was included in the trailer. Just go and watch that again.

Toronto After Dark - DAY 2

“I saved us some seats!”Chris in the tone of voice better suited for a ten year old kid showing his parents his A+ paper. I glanced around the empty theater and turned back to his grinning face. I half expected him to throw up a hand and go “HIGH-FIVE!”

You know the guy in line that’s hopping from foot to foot as if he needs to pee? You may arrive early every time and this is guy is always there first! That’s Chris.

I’m the hobo looking fellow slumped in his seat. I'm fighting a losing battle with his eyelids because I spent most of that morning dancing to techno beats with his fellow filmgoers. I’m also the poor sucker has a Philosophy paper that needs to be handed in first thing Monday morning.

Don’t worry. I’m watching movies instead. I have my priorities straight.

Idiots and Angels proved to be familiar stomping ground for bat-shit insane (And really nice guy) Director/Animator/Writer Bill Plympton: It has his grotesque caricatures of humanity, the crazy animated directorial touches and screaming (lots of screaming). After a lengthy break from feature filmmaking, Bill decides to scale back from his last two major works: ‘Mutant Aliens and the STILL unreleased (In North America) ‘Hair High’, and instead grab simple concept and run with it. In this case, it’s the story of an unlikable man being gifted with a pair of Angel Wings. There’s definite creativity on display here, but the smaller scale and a lack of laugh-out loud moments make it more of an interesting (and slightly un-engaging) animated experiment then a successful film.

The Chilean super-hero film Mirage Man does everything right. It’s not an outright comedy, nor is it a serious faced commentary on the genre. It’s a simple story with a solid emotional core, a sly sense of humor and proves to be another step forward (After the unwieldy Kiltro) toward action stardom for star Mark Zardoz. Its action is quotient is high, but mostly composed of people getting hit in the face and falling hard on cement.

The third film of the night was the sold-out screening of REPO: THE GENETIC OPERA. I reviewed it already HERE, but after a second viewing, I can confidently state it holds up even better. I kept my opinions in check this time, let the music roll over me, and really got hooked. I didn’t realize till now that the ENTIRE FILM is music. The only parts that aren’t sung are a handful of phone calls. The screenwriter/grave robber said they have three discs of music ready to release! The film opens in Toronto on November 21’st.

The last film DONKEY PUNCH dealt with a bunch of beautiful rich people doing stupid things on a boat and then paying for their stupid mistakes in grizzly ways. The film wasn’t boring, it had a mean streak a mile long and the cast did a good job it they were trying to get me to hate all of them. Character motivations are all over the place (At one moment two people will want each other dead and then the next they’ll be speaking casually) and the ending is abrupt in a way that makes you go “But the character could just…Aw…Never mind.”

After Dark: DAY 1 - Let The Right One In

DAY 1

The Narrator (Justin Decloux) – He smells faintly of garlic. His hair isn’t combed. He’ll stare at you with a glazed expression and speak only references to pre-season 10 episodes of The Simpsons. Stay clear.

Christian Murdoch –A Fanatic Film Fan. He’s the narrator’s go-to guy for help assassinating zombies. He can crush a man’s skull into the form of a diamond. He would make an ideal husband.

Madison Parker- Festival Virgin and Female Perspective on Male Idiocy. She will woo you with her boundless charm.

Adam Lopez – Head Programmer, Manager and all around maestro of the After Dark Film Festival. The few who have felt his wrath have been stricken from history books. Mortal eyes shall wither and burn if they ever cross his form.

Dobblar the Gopher– An Evil Gopher who does Evil Things. Sneaky. Don't eat any of his candy.

“What if they figure out I’m a fraud?” I whispered to Chris, my partner in crime, as we shuffled closer to the table where I was going to pick up my press pass. I wasn’t press. I was just a guy who couldn’t differentiate you and you’re. I was a bozo that scribbled rants about films I onlt half remembered seeing through a haze of highly illegal narcotics at 4:00 AM in a stranger's (He had a beard. I think) basement. I’ve only seen twelve films in my entire life. Everything else I make up as I go along.

“You’ll be fine. I’m the one that’s sweating.” Chris said. He was a few years shy of the mandatory viewing age and his charade of appearing older wore him down to a jangle of nerves.

“Don’t worry! I don’t think anyone will realizes you’re actually s—“ I said loud enough for all 1104 people in line to hear.

Chris signaled me to be quiet down by punching me in the throat. The suits could be listening. The whole operation could be blown. And if he was going to miss out on After Dark, the only highlight in his barren high-school existence, he would have my head on a pike. Then he would kill me. Slowly.

It was my second time at Toronto After Dark (Now in its third incarnation) and the feeling of something exra-special was in the air. The films were high-class (Snagging the soon to be cult Repo: The Genetic Opera was a coup), the presentation slicker then ever (It’s all about the glossy full color programs) and more ticket sales then they ever imagined possible promised rowdy crowds. I had somehow tricked the management into letting me attend as a member of the Press this year. My human sacrifice had finally paid off.

The film of the night was ‘Let One Right In’, a Swedish film about a bullied twelve year old boy who befriends a 12 year old looking girl that happens to have a taste for the red stuff. Yup, she’s a vampire.

‘Let the Right One In’ was the perfect picture start off the fest: Dramatic, featured a hint of genre without ever going over the top with it, and a foreign filmness to add to make the audience think 'I'm seeing something different' . It’s the kind of film that is easier to talk about then watch again. I found the performances spot on, the mood perfect, and the direction restrained. I don’t know if I’d rush out to see it again, mostly because of a painfully slow pace, but I wouldn't hesitate to recommend it.

For the first time ever, an After Dark screening was completely sold out. Not only that, but due to a processing error, 100 ticket holders had to be turned away at the door due to the theater being packed to capacity. Adam Lopez was sincerely sorry about it all, but you could tell that on the inside, he was happy as blood gorged vampire.

***

I stepped out into the cool 3 AM night air and took a deep breath. My friend Madison giggled. Behind us, the After Party continued to rock on. Someone was beating up the strings on a Viola.
“I’ve never been this drunk” Madison slurred through her trade marked grin “Do festivals always rock this much?"

"Only time will tell." I said in my best wise-man voice "But I think you got lucky with this one."

She agreed by breaking into a dance. A homeless man wearing a top-hat glanced in our direction and I could almost read his thoughts.

"Crazy film people."

And proud of it!

Toronto After Dark

The After Dark Film Festival is up and running and hitting the city with a slew of fantastic genre films. We've already been treated to flat out marvels ("Let the Right One In" and "Mirageman" to name a few) and the week only gets better from there on out.

On Monday you have a hard-edged (and undoubtedly nauseatingly ultra-violent) film Red, based on a Novel by Jack Ketchum. Following that is the Asian Shocker Omnibus film "4Bia." I had a chance to see the latter at Fantasia this year and if you like your slices of horror creepalicious and filled with seat-flying moments, this is the one for you.

On Tuesday, you get the rip-roaring horror comedy "Netherbeast Incorporated" and the Montreal based soon to be cult comic extravaganza "Who is K.K Downey?"

Check out complete listing at TORONTOAFTERDARK.COM. I'll be updating in a few days with some reviews, ramblings and akwardly personal journal entries of my time at the fest. If you spot me (Green Press Pass, Black Hair, Glasses, Extremely Loud) feel free to shout out my name and I'll happily wander over to chat.

City of Ember (USA. 2008)

WATCH THE TRAILER HERE

Imaginatively designed and directed with a sure-hand by sophomore filmmaker Gil Kenan (Monster House), ‘City of Ember’ has all the makings of a solid kid's film but misses two key ingredients: Excitement and Conflict. It’s a fancy box that ends up containing nothing but wispy air.

After a stylish opening, we’re introduced to a city in dire peril. In the future, all humans live underground and rely on a giant generator for light. That generator is about to break down forever and everyone is in a complete state of denial. Two teenagers, a girl and a boy, are the only ones that can save the day.

‘City of Ember’ held promise. It had a interesting story, a director with a near-classic film under his belt and a a healthy budget to bring the original novel to life. I expected a children-led adventure filled with shocking conspiracies, fantastical monsters and hair-raising adventure. Not quite. Imagine an introduction stretched to a feature length running time. You keep expecting things to burst into action and they never do.

The acting is filled with ‘Hey! It’s that Guy/That Gal From That Thing!’ roles and the two leads are very casual. We even get Bill Murray taking on his first full role (After a slew of tiny cameos and voice work on *shudder* Garfield) in a while. Don’t be surprised to find the same old deadpan Murray without any Ghostbusters or Groundhog Day flair.

Don’t go in thinking this is a kids-on-a-mission films. It’s not. It’s a ‘Kids wander about and stumble onto things’ film. It has potential and completely wastes it. Questions like “Why can’t they go into the darkness?” and “Why are the bugs so big”, “What’s the deal with the blind religious faith that follows the “Builders”?” are brought up and quickly forgotten. There are a few hints of bigger things (A very well rendered giant monster thing) but they tease and never deliver. Even the climax of the film is underwhelming. There’s no reveal, build-up or pay-off. The film simply reaches a conclusion everyone over five knows it’s going to reach.

There’s nothing strictly wrong with ‘City of Ember’. It’s just a workmanlike experience with very little spark. The adults will notice the superb craft of it all and the kids will wish the its boringness was over.

Dance of the Dead (USA. 2008)

WATCH THE TRAILER HERE

Everyone loves zombies. Your friend loves zombies, your little brother loves zombies and even your ‘too cool to be hip’ grandmother loves those brain munching rascallians. It's gotten to the point that they're lumbering pop-culture jokes. It doesn't help that every first time director wants to create a masterpiece with the 'Z' word right out the gate. The recipe seems so easy: Splatter everything in the red stuff, make people scream and flail their arms and add lots of smash zooms. Instant Cult Classic!? More like a hopelessly contrived mess (Like my writing!) that is trying so hard that it reminds you of that annoying kid who thought that being loud = being funny.

(Hey! I was that kid!)

I wouldn’t have given Dance of the Dead a second though if it weren’t for the Director Gregg Bishop. A few years back he was the mastermind behind the ultra- low budget (It only cost fifteen thousand!) action spectacular ‘The Other Side’ Now armed with a slightly higher cash-roll, he easily dodges the contagious bite of the sophomore slump. While ‘Dance of the Dead’ doesn’t do anything new, just remember the universal rule of storytelling: It's not about what you create out of thin air (The zombie can fly! And shoot fire from their fingertips! And juggle!). It's the journey that matters. 'Dance of the Dead' is all about the building blocks. The story follows a high-school characters that get attacked by an army of flesh eaters on the night of their prom. We’ve got the universal every-teen (Jared Kusnitz), his best friend who’s in love with the unreachable cheerleader, the uni-teen’s flighty sorta girlfriend, a gang of nerds, the tough kid, crazy gym teacher and a few other disposable archetypes that are going to be ripped apart along the way. The story takes about twenty minutes to set up before jumping into high gear with a fantastic ‘Zombies jumping out of their graves as if shot out of a cannon’ sequence that is jaw-dropping in scope. The nuclear-powered zombies in this world are a little ill defined so you’ll have to leave your common sense at the door. They can drive cars, move super fast (Thanks to the magic of frame cutting), and are hypnotized by Metal Music. Purists may balk, but it’s their loss, because we I haven’t seen something as consistently enjoyable as DoD in a blue moon.

The acting ranges from passable to believable (All teens were actually teens. Now that’s innovative) and it was a smart choice to skim lightly on the serious side of things ("He got bit. Isn't he going to change in a zombie any second now?") and stick closely to the ‘It’s a Freaking Fun Zombie Film!” motto. It gets top marks in the 'Audience Pleasing Cult Classic 101' category.

The gore in Dead is strictly of the splatstick variety and is consistently gleeful in squishing heads and ripping spines. Only the ending disappoints in its inability to deliver the balls to the wall climax the inner gore hound craved. The characters are like able, the situations wild and the directorial flourishes innovative without being to distracting. Gregg Bishop is obviously a film fan and I can only imagine the wonders he could paint if he was more expensive paintbrushes and a completely original premise.

Babylon A.D (USA. 2008)

WATCH THE TRAILER HERE

Mr. Kassovitz, what happened? You wowed us all with the flat-out monumental film ‘La Haine’ in 1995 (Available on DVD in North America from CRITERION) and then…You decide to live a creative life of mediocrity. You directed a passable French thriller (Crimson Rivers), a sub-par Hollywood Horror fest (Gothika) and now you give us a second tier Vin Diesal actionner? Did you have a run in with a vampire that sucked every single drop of talent that once flowed strong through your veins?

In a sad global warming stricken future, Vin Diesel stars as a mercenary hired to transport a young girl (The multi-accented Mélanie Thierry) and her teacher (Michelle Yeoh) across numerous European countries. For comparisons sake, take all the over the top fun of ‘Chronicles of Riddick’, throw it to the side, cast an exhausted Vin Diesel (The guy can barely keep his eyes open here) and bring it all come as a terrible bore. Babylon A.D fails at everything it sets out to do. The action scenes are sloppy and confusing. The science-fiction elements are underdeveloped to the point of being nothing more than pretty set dressings. The closest things to characterizations are people saying things ‘she take of herself’A.K.A The Chinese woman is going to break out the kung-fu. Mathieu Kassovitz has shown time and time again that he can shoot a isually creative film. Sadly, you can only polish a turd so many ways.

When the director is quoted as saying "I'm very unhappy with the film. I never had a chance to do one scene the way it was written or the way I wanted it to be. The script wasn't respected. Bad producers, bad partners, it was a terrible experience." The idea gets across pretty clearly. It doesn’t’ take a super-short movie review to get the idea cross that this is nothing more than a waste of time.

Feast 2: Sloppy Second (USA. 2008)

WATCH THE TRAILER HERE

FADE TO: I popped the original FEAST into the DVD player to the delight of all the people in the room. They gazed on in semi-bleary fashion. It took about twenty minutes before someone spoke.

“Why are we watching this?” he asked as a woman had a monster penis jammed down her throat, “This has no point.”

“You don’t understand!” I screamed “This is a solid mix of comedy, horror and splatter! You guys are SO WRONG!” And then I was sullen for AT LEAST ten minutes. We never spoke again.

Jump forward two years and change: The original director (John Gulager), the writers and some of the cast are back with FEAST 2: SLOPPY SECOND.

I take back my hissy fit. My friends must have seen into a future-television and instead of watching the pretty solid first film that night, they must have been seeing this film instead. It all makes sense now!

Picking up right after the first film ended, Sloppy Seconds attempts to up everything that people liked about the first film by making everything bigger. They fail miserably. Instead of a wink-and-a –nod cast of slightly self aware horror architects we get a massive cast of characters we could care less for. The Biker Chick (The Director’s Wife) from the first one returns (Well, her sister does at least), the director’s father is back for no reason (Paycheck!) and there’s some Mexican wrestling midgets (None of them are the related to the director. To my knowledge) that don’t do much! It’s a lot less fun then it sounds. Imagine all those characters on a badly green screened roof set. Then they do nothing. You’ve created your own version of FEAST 2!

They all head off into town to meet with a bunch of unmemorable actors and they – you know – I’m not quite sure what the story of this film was. They kind of hang around on a roof and try to get into a prison. That’s about it. The seemingly cool monsters are pushed into broad daylight and are completely rob them of any of the mystique they once had. The gore is an even sadder affair. Almost no one dies in the film (Even though the cast is massive) and the gore arrives few and far between. There are a few absolutely tasteless gags involving grand-mothers and babies but it couldn’t save the train-wreck. I can’t forgive a film that delivers most of its splatter in a CGI fashion. Doesn’t the creative team know abt better? And if you’re telling yourself that they’re saving it for the climax, forget it, the second the shit really hits the fans we cut away and the credits roll. WHAT THE HELL!? Are they saving it all for the film they shot back-to-back with this one, FEAST 3: HAPPY FINISH? Maybe this is all a joke and the third film will explain it for the people slow in the audience, namely, me.

I want to end this review with a pun on the title SLOPPY SECOND. I won’t do it. I’m a better person then that.

Perhaps Love (HONG KONG. 2005)

WATCH THE TRAILER HERE

Out of all the genres that could pop out of the current wasteland that was once the Hong film industry, I never expected a big-budget musical to lead the pack. Especially when Director/Co-Writer Peter Chan (Famous for a bunch of mid 90’s Romantic Dramas and the president of one of the bigger HK production companies) has gone on record saying that he hates the genre.

Hmmmmmm.

Takeshi Kashaniro stars as Lin, a movie-star starring in a big budget musical directed by famed auteur Nie Wen (Jackie Cheung). It would be nothing more than another gig if it weren’t for the fact that his female co-star (Zhou Xu) is the love of his life (from a decade ago) that broke his heart. Things get even more complicated when you factor in that she’s currently romantically entangled with Nie Wen. I see tragedy and romance set to song in the near future! If you play your cars right, there may even be DANCING!

With cinematography by Peter Pau (All of the Shanghai scenes/the musical numbers) and Christopher Doyle (Everything set in Beijing) I never expected the visual to be anything less than breathtaking. I wasn’t disappointed.. I’m also glad to see Popstar/Actor Jackie Cheung finally appear in front of the cameras again after what feels like a eight year sabbatical. The rest of the cast do a great job at being pretty (Will Takeshi Kashaniro ever age?) and they perform pretty enthusiastically when the film gives them a chance too.

It's a shame they don't get very many chances.

Musicals are constructed to evoke broad emotions. Joy! Happiness! Sadness! All of those eventually lead to the big one: “Love” ‘Perhaps Love’ has the skeleton of the story but it forgets a very important building block: Actually caring for the characters. Everyone in this film is bitter, broken or completely alienated from the world. Even in the flashbacks, the two main characters budding romance held very little joy for either them. You have no one to root for (unless you’re picking the most handsome) in a love triangle were everyone is miserable. Factor in the fact that these people all have pretty cushy lives and the sympathy meter takes an even deeper nose dive. They can’t express their emotions? Boo-Hoo.

The songs themselves are catchy and the numbers big and creative, if a little too quick cut to my taste. They just don’t fit in the film. It almost feels like the director didn’t trust he could keep the audience’s attention unless he keeps everything grounded and ‘real’. We get it. Musicals are not real. People don’t burst into song when emotions are stirred within them. If you don’t like it, or it bugs you, then you don’t watch those films. It’s as simple as that. Don’t try to cheat your around it. Without the songs directly impacting any of the events on screen (they only mirror what we already know) it seems like a superlative addition to a simple romantic drama.

‘Perhaps Love’ is real in a depressing way and big in a hollow way. It’s pretty to look at, slightly memorable and it did sweep the HK Academy Awards in 2005, so maybe I’m just a speaking from a cold granite heart.

Sukiyaki Western Django

WATCH THE TRAILER HERE

More of exercise in aggressive style then an actual movie, Sukiyaki Western Django is fun sensatory candy and little else. Based (very loosely) on the Italian Django films series, the story follows a young Japanese Cowboy (Hideaki Ito ) who rides into a town and gets himself caught in between two gangs, the whites and the reds, that are after the town’s secret buried gold. Throw in a wronged woman seeking revenge, an old lady with a secret past, a terrible cameo from Quentin Tarantino and a slew oddball characters on the side-lines and you have yourself…a movie? Not really. For it’s international release, the film was cut from it’s extremely painful 138 minute running time down to a more easily digestible 95 minute one (Both will be available on the North American DVD release) the final Django product is breathy ride that is fun while it lasts, is filled with vivid visual flourishes (and swooping sound effects) ands is ultimately a hollow beast. The action arrives in short burst, is competently done, and unspectacular. The idea of having everyone in the film speak their dialogue in English phonetically makes for some hilarious line readings but gets old pretty quick. Don’t see it without Subtitles. I was disappointed that the concept of a Japanese/American Western was never fully utilized. Sure, some of the set design and costumes reflected the fact that the film took place in a weird pseudo-reality, yet, they never pulled out all the stops and created a complete culture clash.

(He’s only bitching because the Sword/Gun fights that we’re promised never really materialized)

Even with all of the negativity, I highly recommend the film for what it is. Nothing more.

Nine Souls (JAPAN. 2003)

Nine men escape from a Japanese prison and decide to stick together to hunt down the fabled treasure they heard about from a crazy cellmate. Can an elderly man that ran his son over with a car, a porn king midget, a socially retarded teenager that killed his father and a motorcycle gang delinquent get along? I haven’t even mentioned the other five troublemakers.

The first thought as the film jumped to life was: “I am never going to be able to figure out who is how! I’m DOOMED!” Thankfully, Director Toshiaki Toyoda (Blue Springs) never hits a false note. Things begin with a bang of furious motion, but then everything slowly eases into a precise structure that offers every character a chance to have their own story told. The direction is showy enough to be considered energetic, yet I never felt that the style was casting a dark shadow over the character interaction and development.

The acting is solid from everyone on board (Even the midget gets his chance to shine) and that helps the viewer swallow a mid-way tonal shift that is shocking in its ball-out twist. I was easily lulled by the first half’s slightly goofy treasure with all of its slapstick trimmings. Then a climactic event comes out of nowhere and changes everything. The second half is when redemption (or lack therefore) catches up and the protagonists are forced to confront the pasts they left behind. The decisions you make are going to stick around no matter how hard you try to ignore them. With that in mind, all of the narratives threads are brought too their logical (if sometimes dramatically numbing) conclusions. Nothing is left to chance and we get get to witness the end of everyone’s journey. Even the ambiguous final minute is only ambiguous if you’re a dye in the wool optimist. It’s a sobering journey that leaves a slight depressing taste in your mouth, which is masked by the prevailing sense of hope that makes the film as memorable as it is.