Saturday, September 27, 2008
Sickee
Thursday, September 25, 2008
2001: A Space Odysee (USA. 1968)
People sometimes ask me (in a 'parent scolding a naughty child' tone of voice):
“Why don’t you review films I’ve HEARD about? I don’t want to read a review for something that I’ll NEVER see.”
I do critique films that get released in cinemas every now and then, but most of the time my write-ups are a helter skelter mix of foreign oddities and bargain bin stinkers. I rarely (sometimes on a blue moon) review something that everyone's heard of. There's a very specific reason why I do that...
I have absolutely nothing to say that hasn’t been ten million before.
I saw 2001: A Space Odyssey for the first time today. I could tell you that the pace is glacial, the visuals breathtaking and the last act confounding on a narrative level, yet, enveloping on a purely artistic one. Even though I had never seen the film before, it’s so engrained in our pop-culture that I knew exactly what was coming before it popped on screen. I liked it.
This person also has an opinion
Another Opinion
Look Ma! It never stops! This one is made them fancy picture things!
They're all ten times more precise and thought provoking anything I could ever sling together. It's out out there. I don't need to add my poorly phrased praise onto the pile.
***
I want this site to be a gate-way to whole new cinematic world. I want to try my best to avoid treading over the same old ground that’s already been stomped to bits. If a mildly retarded 20 year old who’s name rhymes with “Ustin” can find a copy, a smart and good looking person like yourself should have no problem getting your hands on a copy! Start searching. Take chances. Be a Film Junkie!
Coming up next: My Review of Star Wars IV: A New Hope!
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
The Foot Fist Way (USA. 2007)
Dany R. Mcbride is going to be a star. There’s no two ways around on it. He stole Pineapple Express with his role as the invincible and conflicted BFF drug dealer Saul. The man has a goofy lovable air around him that the audience attaches to no matter no matter how much of a jackass he may play. So, with that thought in mind, get ready, because ‘The Foot Fist Way’ is a frilly parade of cringe filled situations populated by people in Jack-Ass suspenders. Way back in 2006 this tiny little film was released and at its heart it's nothing more then a plot-less tangle of sketches that center around the riffing of Mcbride. He plays an ego-centric dim bulb taekwondo instructor who's trashy wife is cheating on him, he's fabricated a fantasy love scenario with one of his students and his entire life revolves around his Sunday Parking Lot Martial Art Demo Shows. He’s a loser. That’s why you should laugh. Don’t worry, the guy isn’t vehemently mean. He’s just really stupid. Sometimes that works (See Dumb and Dumber) but the creators of ‘The Foot Fist Way’ Director Jody Hill (who also plays the fifth degree best friend) and writer Ben Best (bringing all his long haired glory as action superstar Chuck The Truck) decide to play it for awkward laughs instead of going for the straight up TA-DA punch line. They ditch the big broad gags and settle instead for a constant chuckle filled atmosphere. It works in chunks, but as a whole it just left me bored. The most surprising part is that for an actor who seems to strive off improvisation (Supposedly all his best bits in Pineapple were of his own doing) I’m surprised, because for a film that seems to live off Improvisation (as some scenes never seem to end) Mcbride never really brings any of his A-game. He’s still an active magnetic screen presence, but I could only muster a small polite grin as he trundled on through the mediocre material. Everything does reach an interesting climax, but the situation never regally delivered on. Did they run out of money? I’m curious to see what Jody Hill will bring to his next outing, a big budget comedy starring Seth Rogen called “Observe and Report”
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Ghost Town (USA. 2008)
Sometimes subject matters don’t interest me from the get-go.
Not even oh-so-creative taglines like “A mean man (Ricky Gervais) begins to see ghosts and is haunted by one (Greg Kinnear) that wants him to break up his ex-wife’s (Téa Leoni) marriage plans.”!?
Hmmm. Nope. I think that was the plot for an episode of the Ghost Whisperer.
Did I tell you that the man is really annoying and he’ll have a character changing Epiphany at the end of---Hey! I didn't say you could leave!
*A brief scuffle ensues. A scream sounds and is cut off in a gurgle. Someone unrolls a roll of duct tape.*
What about the Director/Screenwriter? He can fill you with hope right?
We’re talking about David Koepp here, he’s the “airequote” writer “airquotes” who politely raped the last Indiana Jones, has delivered workman like screenplays for tons of Hollywood Blockbusters (“War of the Worlds”) and directed a few half-decent films (“Stir of Echoes”) in his career. Not enough to make me fork over the dough for a seat.
What about the actors?
The film is the first starring feature role for British comedic powerhouse Ricky Gervais. The man may seem like a bit of a dick when he talks to the press (Especially when he irks the might of such Directors as Edgar Wright as seen HERE) but his shtick as the extremely awkward goofball on UK series ‘The Office’ and ‘Extras’ has made him a household name. Would he bring the funny? Bah. I don’t really care. I’ll catch it on cable when it comes out.
Right. Okay. What else is playing?
SPOILER: Nothing else was playing.
The premise doesn’t really go anywhere new and the story is hackneyed to the limit of tear-jerking bluntness (See…There’s this white light that appears when the ghosts go to hell…or is it heaven? Isn’t that sad? ), yet, I still enjoyed it as it rolled along. It never felt forced. Sure, we know that our hero is going to get the girl, but it’s the actual process that matters. Ricky Gervais succeeds at translating his stuttering self to the big screen without having to rely on slimy pity to keep the comedy going. His lines are funny, his character is funny and he actually gets a chance to emote a few times without seeming like he walked in on the wrong film. I can’t picture him doing anything else then a slightly awkward British gent, but guess that’s why the call them “character actors”. The rapid fire banter between the curmudgeon Gervais and the recently deceased womanizer Greg Kinnear (Solid as usual) is the highlight of the entire picture. We’ve seen the whole “Invisible Person only I can See” played off a million times before, but it’s rarely this solid.
It isn’t bad way to spend an evening, but I wouldn’t recommend seeing this in cinemas, unless you know, nothing else is playing.
Monday, September 22, 2008
Whasango (SOUTH KOREA. 2001)
Life is busy so more lame reviews from the past! Sorry about this, but I should get back into the groove of things once all of those social foibles iron themselves out and things start to hop along at a regular jolt. Until then, enjoy my 2002 self! ***
When you watch the starting of a movie, you can usually tell how it’s going to turn out from the first 15 minutes. (That’s a really biased statement, but it’s the truth!) Whasango drops the viewer into the action without a pat on the back or even a “Hey Guy’s get ready for this”.
A teacher is writing with his back turned to his students. Clenching his teeth he spins around screaming “No sleeping in class!” while throwing his chalk like a lighting bolt across the room. And when I say ‘Like a lighting bolt.’ I mean it in a in the literal sense. The piece of chalk leaves a spinning bullet like trail as wavers wildly toward its intended target. Inches away from making contact it stops…Our hero (Jang Hyuk) looks up from his desk. The piece of chalk is frozen inches from his face. Jang gives it a really nasty glare which spins the chalk around and throws it directly into the teacher.
Freeze on Jang’s face.
Like a Polaroid shot the image turns black and white and a red stamp comes down reading “EXPELLED!”
That’s the plot. A kid who’s been at the unlucky end of the stick since he was young gets his final chance at passing high-school. He’s not a bad guy or anything; it’s just the godly power he foolishly possesses keep getting in the way of him leading a normal life. Plus his new school “Volcano High” (International Name of the film) is a haven for energy ball throwing, power hungry maniacs. To try to wrap up some kind of ending for the film we also have a “Secret Scroll” that everyone is after except Jang.
The directors wisely chose to use less widely known stars here. He obviously had the backing to have the great of the great, but he decided to go with littler known actors. There facial expression will remind you of a live-action cartoon. Which in the context of the movies is a good thing…and funny as hell!
Since “The Matrix”, every action film with its characters doing wild things is compared to it.* Whasango with its extremely fun premise and its gravity deifying action scenes has suffered because of the M franchise. Other than the use of slow motion, how can you make a comparison?
Any action during Whasango (until the end) resolves itself within 1 to 2 minutes. When the final twenty minute showdown arrives…We witness one of the most mind-blowing spectacle of people wearing black cloaks dodging energy balls in the rain!
Oh wait. Don’t think I’ve seen that before.
On a final note:
This film isn’t for everyone. It’s ‘style over substance’ or as my brother put it after the whole movie in one sitting:
'My eyes HURT!’
DVD: (Cinema Service)
This package is the DELUXE two disc UNCUT (MUST STOP WRITING IN CAPITALS!) edition of the film. The colours are a bit faded but it was intended (CGI enhanced as I recall). The second disc packs a wallop with it’s seemingly (In other words. I have no freaking idea) two hour long documentary. No subtitles are offered for these features but they mostly contain the set up for wire work, or bloopers and cuts. There aren’t any sequences with cast members sitting in front of a camera talking. That’s the job of the other documentary on the disc. Plus we get Story-board to film comparison, Music Videos, Audio Commentary, and CGI making of….
Another disc that's available is the Hong Kong "International" cut of the film...It supposedly comes with everything else that it's cousin contained, including the deleted scenes on the second disc.
* The French “Brotherhood of the wolf” poster’s tagline was “16th century matrix"
Sunday, September 21, 2008
(TV) Pushing Daisies: SEASON 1 (2008)
Ned runs a pie shop (Named ‘The Pie Hole’) and spends his free time with freelance detective Emerson Cod (Chi Mcbride) getting the dead to tell them how they died and then collecting reward money for catching the murderer/explaining it to the deceased’s relatives. During one of their routine ‘re-awakenings’ Ned brings back to life a murdered girl named Chuck (Anna Friel) and it turns out that Chuck was Ned’s childhood sweetheart. He’s so shocked that he lets a minute go by (and an innocent kicks the bucket as a result) so now he’s stuck with the love of his life, but now can never touch. Oh, and everyone still solves quirky murder mysteries.
Pushing Daisies goes the extra mile by an creating an entire universe to call its own. It looks like the real world, but you never get the sense that you’ve actually been there. It’s fashioned without shame on the the work of Jean Pierre Jeunet (Director of the romantic French comedy “Amelie”). The visual design in Pushing Daises oozes quirkiness. Everything is slightly more colorful, a little bit more exaggerated and touches more real then we’re all used to in everyday life. The fluffy mood is a startling contrast to the more gruesome aspects. (The dead don’t always die pretty) but it all works because everyone’s in on the joke. The characters may be dealing with life shattering revelations about existence itself, but they aren’t too worried about it at all. Blame it on the completely naturalistic report between all the leads. Lee Pace is puppy dog innocent as the man with the powers and his struggles to live with them. Chi Mcbride plays his narcissistic detective sidekick. The girl-that-can-never-be-touched-by-our-hero, Chuck (Anna Friel) is a peppy ray of light that’s naïve without ever being annoyingly innocent. For a show that relies so heavily on eye-catching visuals, the fact that all characters are just as engaging should be a lesson for every suck-tacular high gloss FOX show.
There’s no show on the air like Pushing Daises. It adopts a ballsy cinematic direction that fits together its mood, its characters and even the stories (as lightweight as they may be) in a direction that would have most common audiences call it “Hmmm…That’s weird”. Rest assured, that even though the first season only has a nine episodes, that was due to the writer’s strike and not the dreaded cancellation chop. It’s actually been picked up for a second season (13 episodes as of this writing) so the world can only open up that much more. More people with odd powers?
Saturday, September 20, 2008
(TV) It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia: Season 3
Frank: "Why did you drag us to a place like this? It smells like the bottom of a birdcage.
Mac: "Lots of shady shit goes down at nursing homes, Frank...okay? These places are like prisons."
Frank: "Like people getting ass raped?"
***
“Seinfeld on Crack” is such an easy way to describe this new FX comedy show. I’ll leave it at that. See it
No. You can’t have your money back. Fine. I’ll give you a little bit of extra detail. I’ll expect extra though.
The setting is a dead-end alley called “Paddy’s Pub”. The “heroes” (Riiiight) are the three owners (Charlie Day), Mac (Rob McElhenney), Dennis (Glenn Howerton) and his waitress sister Dee (Kaitlin Olson). Somewhere along the line Dennis and Dees father (but not really?) Frank (Danny Devito) gets involved as the mastermind. They have adventures. They have some laughs. They are incredibly horrible people.
Remember how Seinfeld had relatively likable people doing horrible things? Well, on this show they aren’t’ likable at all. They’re loud, obnoxious, self centered and stupid. There’s absolutely no limit of their horrid actions these people will go through. The gang tries to pick up chicks at an abortion rally. They try to get black friends to be less racist. They even get addicted to crack.
And that’s just the first two season.
The writers in the third season (who also happen to be the three male stars) feel that there’s no rock bottom. You can always go lower. It’s a good and bad thing. The first two seasons were more or less grounded, but in the third one the plots go completely ape-shit. Dee isn’t sure if her boyfriend is mentally retarded. Dennis becomes a man-whore. Mac becomes a serial killer. Charlie gets addicted to multiple illegal substances.
If none of that raises the mere chuckle, then let me make this clear, Sunny isn’t for you. If you can laugh at the mere plot summary, I’m pleased to tell you that the performers bring it their all to the ARM-WAVING-SCREAMING-BEADY-EYED-MADNESS. Sunny is one of the most laugh out funny shows on Television right now (And FX ordered another 39 episodes) but enjoying it also makes you a bad person.
Paul Verhoeven Sci-Fi double-shot. Starship Troopers (USA 1997) and Total Recall (USA 1990)
Two of Paul Verhoeven's more successful ventures are on the review board today, both of them stand-bys in the not-so-crowded "lame but really entertaining sci-fi movies" catalog.First up is 1997's Starship Troopers. What is there to say? If you're a respectable geek chances are you've probably seen already. It is at once a big budget action film, teen soap-opera and fascist satire. From it's opening jingoistic "newsreel" segment, it signals to you that not only is it not taking itself seriously, but it expects you to play along.
The film, (very) loosely based on the sci-fi novel of the same name by Robert Heinlein, follows the lives of several idealistic youth as they fight an insectoid race from the other side of the galaxy. The first 20 minutes of the film is almost unbearable to watch, but it's not the craft of the film that offends. Visually and aurally the film is a delight, despite "old" CG effects. It's the twinge-worthy soap-operatics barely supported by the thematic foundations laid down by an invalid Michael Ironside.
The world is controlled by a world-wide federation. There is no more conflict, no more war. By all appearances, the future of Starship Troopers is an idyllic one, where racism and poverty have been eliminated. However, the totalitarian undertones soon seep through the plastic surface. I can understand how a young teenager could fall into the escapist fantasy of "fighting for the federation" and all the bug-blasting and shower-scening it would entail, but it would take a really thick-skulled young 'un to still feel that way after the "Federation" displays its ignorance and disdain for human life, 90% of the cast is killed in a myriad of brutal and gory ways and the survivors become willing slaves to the system.
The film picks up after the introduction of the world and the characters with the first major action sequence, and what follows is part machismo balls-kicking action and part solemn nationalism (federationism?). The end of the film (bookended with a scene similar to that of the very start) is like a test. Have you actually paid attention to what is actually happening, or where you there for the explosions and boobies? It has to be said that Verhoeven succeeds on both levels. He perplexed critics in 1997 by making a goofy, but ultimately entertaining action film that incorporated tongue-in-cheek critiques of radical political systems. A far more entertaining and disturbing film would be the one chronicling the rise of the global federation, and the slaughters and betrayals it took to make it.
Do you want to know more?
Second on my list today is an earlier Verhoeven effort: 1990's "Total Recall". Starring Arnold Schwarzenneger, Michael Ironside and Sharon Stone, it's a glorious ode to pulp sci-fi and extreme gore (epitomized by the juiciest of all squibs, the "Verhoeven Squib"). The plot is straightforward enough, but packs enough psychological twists to refresh it over a 113 minute running time. It concerns the adventures of the troubled Douglas Quaid as his life is twist-turned upside down after he attempts to get memory implants of a trip to Mars, as a Secret Agent! Of course, this attempt errupts into grunting and screaming, a bloody outburst and one, long, hour and a half chase sequence.The movie never really lets up on the violence for more than 4 or 5 minutes at a time, and by the end the body count has become impressive indeed. The whole film is concerned with the question: "Is Quaid a secret agent, or is this all an implanted memory?". The question is never clearly explained, and the ending is ambiguous. It would take a half-dozen viewings or a gander at the wikipedia page to know the final conclusion.
However, the heart of the movie is not in conclusions and resolutions; it's in blood, guts and adventure delivered in spades! So if you're looking for your dose of "Eaughaughaur!" Arnoldizms or just blood and guts, this movie should satisfy your needs.
Eaugharrrh! (epic spoilers)
Thursday, September 18, 2008
1941 (USA. 1979)
Why hasn’t Steven Spielberg directed a flat out comedy yet? He’s done everything else under the sun, pulled it off with a fair amount of creative flair and then proceeded to collect the giant piles of money that have followed. If someone can direct one of the highest grossing films ever made, comedy should be a piece of cake! His work has always had a persistent undercurrent of humor, but there’s always a dramatic undercurrent to back it up. I wonder what he’d do if his only mission was to make the audience laugh.
Oh. Wait. He did make a comedy. It was called 1941. People just don't like it very much.
The story follows roughly fifty people (Treat Williams as a sleazy solider and John Belushi as a crazy drugged up fighter pilot being the highlights) caught up in the paranoid frenzy of a fantasy Japanese attack. There’s racial tension, fights, the appearance of an actual Japanese subs and lots of people falling over.
1941 is the unwanted child of people that WANT to make you laugh, but aren’t quite sure how to go about it. They skipped doing their homework and picked up the cliff-notes version instead. What happens when characters, story and structure are thrown out the window and the funny bone is attacked straight away? It gets extremely expensive, exhaustively manic and ear split tingly loud.
I loved every second of it.
1941 could (Some say should) be circled and underlined in film text-books as a complete disaster. The young Spielberg (Fresh off of the massive person success of Close Encounters of the Third Kind) is obviously in way over his head. He squanders his all-star comedy cast, is erratic in the pacing department and answers every single problem by going big. If that dosen't fix it the only recourse is to go even bigger! Yet, that’s exactly the reason I love it. Spielberg’s repertoire of gags may be small, but he sure knows one down pat: If all else fails, break stuff. If that fails, DESTROY FREAKING EVERYTHING! We get a Ferris wheeling crashing into the ocean, a city block gets destroyed by a thousand brawling extras, planes dog fighting downtown and then crashing into streets and an entire life-size house falls off a cliff. Why? Because it’s funny to make things go boom! Most gags fall flat, but there’s no denying the creativity and the technical polish on display (A musical dance fight is the highlight of the entire film) There’s no middle ground here. The assaulted audience has two choices: Give in to the incredibly self indulgent madness ore actively loathes it for because of its many immature faults. I could physically feel the money hemorrhaging on screen as every second ticked by. The film is absurdly long at two hours and a half (Supposedly the set was complete chaos with things being added left and right depending on people’s moods) and I’d heartily recommend you watch it in chunks. Otherwise, you risk the chance of going completely numb.
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Burn After Reading (USA. 2008)
Burn after Reading is a tiny little movie in really baggy expensive duds. The story of a two idiots trying to black-mail an idiotic ex -CIA man is a small convoluted tale filled to the brim with unlikable idiotic characters played by big names (John Malkovich, Frances McDormand, George Clooney) doing idiotic things till the entire thing ends. Kind of. It’s complicated. But not really. Sheesh.
The Coen Brother’s sit up fresh off their massive Oscar sweep that was “No Country, Old Men” and decide to take a step back and two to the left. “After Reading” is not a drama nor is it a laugh fest. It’s just kind of giggle worthy. Rest assured, it’s nowhere near the terrible un-funniness that stunk around their recent work (“Intolerable Cruelty” “The Lady-Killers”) but neither is it anywhere near their technical slapstick epics (“Raising Arizona” and “The Hudsucker Proxy). I’m not sure the latter Coen’s exist anymore, so I’m just going to have to take a deep breath and accept it. I’ll have to be happy wBurn after Reading’s lack of a compelling plot (No one is in any danger other then the stuff they cause to themselves) is all part of the joke, so are the lack of compelling characters and the very scattershot amount of laughs during the whole thing. Brad Pitt is the undeniable ray of hilarious retarded light in all of the so-so comedy. Every line, every move and every moment he participates in is pure quotable gold. “Remember that moment when Brad Pitt…” will be the words on everyone’s lip as they leave the cinema. Which makes it a shame that he’s not in it that much. Oh! Spoiler! There are a few fantastic stand-out moments (An ending starring grump extraordinaire J.K Simmons could not be any more note perfect.) but there just aren’t enough of them to make it all work. Which is the point. I think. Ow. My brain.
I actually feel that Burn After Reading works better as a quick summary. That way, all the fat can be skipped, and the big moments can be spoiled nice and quick. But then, it isn’t as funny if is it? I’d like to tell myself that this is the kind of movie that’ll grow on me, but that would mean that I’d actually have to watch it again. Not sure if that’s going to happen any time soon. It’s burned and everything.
Monday, September 15, 2008
JUNK (JAPAN. 2000)
“Borrowing Chaos” (A.K.A “Lets rip off this film”) is a talent that “Atsushi Murowa” admits to using in spades. While “Junk” won’t come off winning any Oscars, in the hearts of fans it performs admirably. Four robbers pull off a heist and decide to meet there contact at an old abandoned military base. Before you can say “My god, his throat was ripped out” zombies are crawling everywhere and the military decides to get involved. One of these military men is an ex-scientist whose ‘late’ wife is now the super-duper kung-fu leader of the dead fiends. And he’s dead-set (Oh god, how do these puns slip in.) on destroying his failed experiment once and for all. Did I mention that he speaks English as if a dead animal was clawing its way out of his mouth? Other than a slow beginning, I believe that the pacing is fine. The director plays with the two subjects that have the films target audience whooping in delight: Extreme violence or over the top gunplay. Many people may get tired with either one, but you’ll definitely never be disappointed. If you even dear tread onto a movie entitled “Junk” in the first place. You know that this is not wholesome family entertainment. Many people (Disney Perhaps) wouldn’t even call this entertaining…But we’ve watched “Return of the living dead” enough times to know the difference.
Would you rather see:
Case closed.
Sunday, September 14, 2008
SexyKiller (SPAIN. 2008)
Barbara (Macarena Gomez) is a med-student that likes to kill people. She doesn’t have a deep-set moral reason and doesn’t think one is needed: If someone pisses her off, crosses her path or wears terrible fashion, they’ve bought their ‘knife to the throat’ ticket. When another med-student named Tobias trips into her life and she falls under the assumption that he’s a fellow serial killer, things start to get a little complicated. Especially when her past victims start roaming about.
Sexykiller successfully puts all of the pieces are in place. They’re simply broken and missing bits of themselves. Most of the jokes fall flat, the fun gore is almost non-existent and only Macarena’s performance is enjoyably consistent. The film starts with a bang of style (Musical numbers, poppy colors, flash cuts and multiple jumps in time) but it tires itself out by about 1/3rd of the way in and falls into a sluggish plot for the rest of the running time. I know that the filmmakers were probably playing with a low budget and a short schedule, but it doesn’t excuse the fact for aiming high when they just can’t deliver:
Here’s a few ‘That would make a terrible climax!” pointers:
1. Relying solely on someone shooting zombies in the shoulder (in slow motion) does not constitute as a romping good horror time.
2. If you introduce a chainsaw and have it on screen for ten minutes. USE IT!
3. Don’t use CGI for the final climactic head-explosion, unless you want the entire audience to go silent because they aren’t quite sure if that was it.
It’s all good that characters say things like “I saw THE EVIL DEAD and that trick won’t work on me!” but doesn’t cut the mustard as its own entertaining entity. Would you rather have someone poorly retell a classic horror film or go and watch it yourself? E for effort!
Saturday, September 13, 2008
Eden Log (FRANCE. 2007)
‘Eden Log’ looks great. It has some inspired gritty costume design, organic looking sets and a blue tinted cinematography to give it that classic sci-fi feeling. All of that kept me going for roughly five minutes. Then I got bored. Imagine sitting in a friend’s basement and watching them play through the most uninteresting parts of a bargain bin third person video-game. The main character finds keys, opens doors, solves simplistic puzzles and meets characters that help him solve simple puzzles, find keys, and open doors. I hope there’s plenty of save points! It would be forgivable if the quest was actually interesting, but it’s not, it’s more of a relaxed walk. The main character does get chased by monsters (who do look pretty cool) but nothing ever comes out of it. They growl at him, he tussles once or twice, and then they give a little chase. Their origin could have served as a cool jumping off point for excitement, but instead they casually forget it. And don’t even get me started on the final fifteen minute ‘reveal’ of something that could have been summed up in two. Were they really that desperate to fill up time?
A film that bathes itself in mystery lives or dies off of its final reveal and…Sorry, nothing of interest here folks. The final twist isn’t much of one and the epilogue makes little to no sense for characters motivational perspective. Eden Log is an okay film stretched out to a feature film length. Bravo or nailing the look! Next time, try to give me something other than a good looking sleeping pill.
Friday, September 12, 2008
Martyrs (FRANCE. 2008)
A serious horror film with a little more on its mind then sick thrills, Martyrs is one stomach churning ride that wants to comment on horror itself by sucker punching you in the stomach with it. It doesn’t always work, but as the director himself said
“I don’t think you’ll enjoy this, but I do hope you’ll be moved by it.”
Fifteen years after being captured and tortured for an undefined amount of time, Louise (Mylène Jampanoï) believes she has found the people responsible for causing her all the pain. She tracks them down and makes them pay. Her best friend Anna (Morjana Alaoui) is horrified by her friend’s acts, but she’s still going to help her get out of it, no matter what it takes.
I’ll re-iterate this again, Martyrs is a brutal film. The violence starts with a bang and doesn’t let up till its final blood covered frame. None of it is over the top funny or presented to make the audience titter at the grossness of it all. It exists solely to disturb. It’s a ballsy goal, but one that has side-effects that cause near fatal blows to its cinematic framework: Due to all the violence on display, the two leads are turned into nothing more than ciphers to move the themes along. I only felt connected to them because they were stuck in a horrible situation. They looked like humans, kinda acted like humans and people being tortured is bad, so they get my sympathy. And in that sense, the first hour of the film works. Director Pascal Laugier jumps right in the middle of the story, asks you to hold on, and dives right into the muck. It’s a cinematic horror story cranked up to fifteen. Martyrs only stumbles when it reaches the point where it is essentially over. Instead of ending, the film introduces a completely different element that doesn’t feel natural to the world that we've been trapped in since the beginning. The story of a young girl broken by abuse and her disastrous attempts to deal with it are completely forgotten and are replaced instead by…well…You can see it for yourself. It’s a noble goal, but one that just didn’t work for me. The serious tone of the first half is ditched to be replaced with cartoony villains and metaphysical mumbo-jumbo. From a thematic level, on paper and even in later discussion I had with friends, it seemingly works. It’s the presentation that leaves me at a loss. ***SPOILER*** The last half of Martyrs is literally thirty minutes of torture. There’s no respite, no breather and no attempt at anything else, it’s just straight up torture. ***END SPOILER*** The point they’re trying to reach takes way too long to reach and any sympathy I had for the characters evaporated into numbness. The final Hellraiser-like apocalyptic minutes are more goofy in their sense of importance than anything else. I just wanted the movie to end, so I could mercilessly leave.
You’ll remember Martyrs. That’s a promise. If that’s enough to make you want to see the film, go for it. On a technical level, the acting, directorial choices and cinematography are top notch. This is an intelligent piece of work that only crashes when it tries to give you something more deep and profound.
NOTE: Someone vomited at the screening I was at (Don’t people READ UP ON FILMS BE FORE THEY GO SEE THEM?) and for the first half people would burst into applause every time a disturbing bit of violence would pop up. Good old humanity and its inability to deal with pain.
Thursday, September 11, 2008
The Burrowers (USA. 2008)
WATCH THE TRAILER HERE You don’t geta successful horror film by cutting someone’s head off with a merry-go-round and splattering blood across a happy family. That gives you a fun splatter film, but nothing else. To get a good horror yarn the audience needs to actually care for the guy about to get his head ripped off by a mutated grizzly bear. Check a sucess in "The Burrowers" favour: I never wanted any of the characters to die. All of the b-list actors spit out A-performances that allows you to easily buy into the setting. The unpardonable sin of a character seeming out of time and place is never broached. When the monster-mash does hit the fan after a slow paced beginning, I was completely caught in the filmmaker’s claws. No one in “The Burrowers” gets an easy pass, or a second chance. or really ANY chance for that matter. It got to the point that I felt that the director outright hated everyone that walked across screen ***SPOILER*** He even extends the story an extra five minutes just to make sure EVERYONE ends up broken and miserable**** END SPOILER The earlier quiet pace, punctured by quick flashes of violence, is pulled off with so much skill that I’d go as far to say that the over the top gory climax almost feels like it was ripped from another film. It’s not a complaint, because it’s done so well, but it’s still an odd disconnect. The creatures themselves look suitably creepy and never come off as derivative. Their method of killing will make even the most hard-edged gore junkies raise an eyebrow.
Along the length of the film we’re subjected to a few big ideas (Held off from “The Searchers) like “Racism is bad” and “The Real Monster is Man”, but they never smother the film enough to elicit groans. It’s evident, to be sure, but not the entire point. It’s a side-note to the bigger story of a bunch of guys trying to avoid being ripped apart by a bald albino weasel things. All the elements come together so smoothly that the end product can be nothing less then a solid little genre effort.
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
Acolytes (AUSTRALIA. 2008)
Australian Cult shocker Acolytes takes the slight premise of “A bunch of kids try to black-mail a serial killer into doing the dirty deed for them.” and piles on heaps of visual and sonic flourishes till the audience is left gasping for breath. It just forgets to find a satisfying way to wrap up it all.
I don’t know where Director Jon Hewitt has been hiding, but this guy has film making chops to spare. His control of the frame is eye catching without ever becoming over the top and his use of sound marries itself perfectly with the image. But you can have too much of a good thing. Please, for the last time, can we forget having movies that rely on an absurd number of jump sacres? You can’t expect to get the audience every time. It becomes a numbing experience after: An off-screen warthog runs by, a bird (?) is flies by, a ball lands on the hood of a car. Once or twice is fine, but ten? That’s just lazy. Blame it as a knee-jerk reaction to the slow going first half which proves once again (Like in Dead-Girl) that regular kids doing regular kids stuff is not interesting in of itself. We need to know more about them to actually care for them as people. Still, the performances were almost universally strong for such a low budget picture with the only downer being the incredibly unlikable blond kid posturing his way through scenes instead actually acting.
The two serial killers (Played by Michael Dorman and Joel Edgerton) are diametrically opposite personalities but are none the less chilling in their own devious ways.
I just wish there was a more of a story to get them involved in. We get hints (“Because I could” is a chilling moment) but that just ties in to the biggest problem I had with the entire experience: It doesn’t know how to end. You can throw all the cinematic trickery in the book at the audience, but without a satisfying conclusion, it ultimately feels rather empty. A twist (or two) does not constitute as an ending if it has absolutely no impact on the denouement. What’s the point other than a cheap AH-HA moment? Acolytes is only a quick scene change, a few lines of dialogue and one less twist away from being film I’d recommend whole heartedly, but instead, I have to give it a solid if reserved recommendation. It’s for the most part a smart, beautifully shot and boasts edge of your seat scenes, but it never adds up to a whole.
Monday, September 8, 2008
The Skycrawlers (JAPAN. 2008)
I'd like to thank loyal Film Junkies reader Christian309 for taking the time out of his busy TIFF schedule to write us up a cracking review! Cheers Chris!
***
The plot revolves around a young fighter pilot known as “Kildren”, who is transferred to another base to fight along side the crew for their corporation. It seems that in the future, two large corporations that own most of the world are constantly at war and fight their battles in the air, but it’s never fully explained. The world of the Sky Crawlers is only touched upon and the majority remains in shadow.
If you expect that all of your questions will be answered by the end of ‘The Sky Crawlers” then you will be disappointed. Many questions are raised throughout the film, like "why are these two companies fighting, why do the characters keep mentioning they can’t grow up, and where exactly does the rival fighter “The Teacher” fit into all of this? The audience is only given semi-answers. I believe that the movie made a wise decision about this, because it’s not about the world, but the characters that live it.
The main problem I have with anime films is that I can never truly connect with the characters. ‘The Sky Crawlers’ excels as character film though. The Characters are incredibly strong and compelling enough so that you are never bored throughout the long conversation scene (which there are many). None of the drama in the film is over done or melodramatic, it is all very subtle. The main characters are so fleshed out, but then there are a few side characters that I felt that their story was rather incomplete or never went anywhere, like the prostitute or the adult mechanic. The characters shine brightly in this world that is shrouded in mystery.
The Animation in this film was just breath taking. Even though the characters are rather simplistic, the environment in ‘The Sky Crawlers’ is nothing short of gorgeous. My jaw dropped to the floor during the aerial combat scenes! I couldn't even will myself to blink as the planes dipped and swerved while bullet casings flew about and enemy plane were torn to pieces. It was not only intense, but beautiful as well. It’s the littler details that show that the animators went the extra mile: The way Cigarette smoke dances around the characters or how the rain hits the propellers of the planes. ‘The Sky Crawlers’ has some of the best animation I have ever seen.
This is a great anime film and just a great film in general. It’s not for everyone but if you give the film a chance you are bound to find something you enjoy, weather it’s the characters or the animation. Be warned though, this is not an action film. It’s a character driven drama with action sequences scattered throughout. This one is defiantly worth hunting down.
Not Quite Hollywood (AUSTRALIA. 2008)
‘Not Quite Holywood’ is a Rock N' Rolling rocket ride through decades of Australian exploitation cinema that most of the world never knew existed. Everything under the blistering hot desert sun gets its turn to burn: Sex Flicks, Horror Opuses and Action Extravaganzas split the movie in three and each get their share of love. It would have worked fine as a clip show, but the filmmakers have also corralled nearly everyone who was ever involved in the Aussie film industry and they’re ready to break out some ripping yarns. Most of the players have been out of the industry for so long that there’s nothing keeping them from dishing out the dirt. The actor got his arm burned and then punched the director in the face? Jimmy Wang Yu was the biggest jerk they had ever met? They tried to raise money for the film at the racetracks while it was still in production? It’s all covered and then some. I only wish that the documentary could have been THREE hours long, because there’s such a wealth of interesting people in front of the camera, reams of fantastic looking films to be covered and such a high level of stylish documentary editing (There were three editors!) and directorial craftsmanship on display. It’s only logistics that deem that some films can only get an only a few words dropped on them instead of the half hour they deserve. If you have no interest in seeing any of these films by the time the end credits roll: Please, leave your FILM JUNKIE badge at the door on your way out. We don’t want your kind here.
Sunday, September 7, 2008
Deadgirl (USA. 2008)
Deadgirl is currently living in a black void. There’s no trailer, no reviews, and only two abstract posters floating around on the inter-web. The only thing I knew about it going in was that the story dealt with two male teenage best friends who find the naked body of a recently deceased young woman in an insane asylum. The film is billed as a creepy coming of age drama along the lines of "STAND BY ME". It was written by Troma alumni Trent Hagga (Star of Terror Firmer) and was directed by newcomers Marcel Sarmiento and Gadi Harell. None of that gave me any faith. Where's the interest? What are two horny young men and an unresisting naked woman going to do? Play Monopoly? Is this really going to go into the direction I *shudder* think it’s going to go?
It does. There’s nudity, brutal violence and a lot of of uncomfortable humping going on. It just doesn’t go far enough with the concept. It’s disturbing and disgusting (Someone behind me uttered “I think I’m going to puke”) but it never goes that extra mile to really carve its niche as a remarkable cult film. The gore is rushed, the scares are of the “JUMP CUT! BOO! ” variety and most important of all, I didn't care at all about the characters. The two best friends Rickie’s (Shiloh Fernandez) and JT’s (Noah Segan) acting goes from slightly compelling to absolutely unwatchable, but even then they were never anything more then dicks. I can understand that the creative team wanted to show us 'real kids' but that dosen't make it interesting. Maybe if I was emphatic toward their plightm the story would have worked, but even then, the climax still arives before the story ends. There’s nothing else to reveal or shock. It just hobbles along until it the fade to black. I personally think that the film would have worked a lot better as an episode of “Masters of Horror” instead of gasping it's way through a feature length film. On the positive side of things, The Dead Girl herself (Jenny Spain) does an amazing job in a role that takes guts (Literally and metaphorically) but even then she's still a naked one trick pony. The most successful element of the entire production is the pounds of brutal makeup she’s forced to wear.
I realized quickly why Dead-Girl didn’t have a trailer yet. There’s nothing to show. This is the kind of film you see once and never feel compelled to see again. It was entertaining the first time, you may recommend it to your friends based solely on “The crazy concept!” but you won't really feel the need to ever see it again.
CONTEST: Win a copy of THINGS!
It's really that amazing!
You can view my terrified ramblings on this piece of epic cinema HERE
Film Junkie’s love free stuff. We don’t care if it’s a coffee table book on cottage cheese, a stale raspberry cupcake or a punch to the face. All that matters is that it’s free! And in that spirit, we’re giving out a COMPLETELY FANTASTICALLY AWESOMELY FREE DVD copy of the Canadian Exploitation Opus “Things” to one of our un-lucky readers. You owe it to yourself to watch this so-called 'FILM'. Life will seem so much sweeter after going through its unexplainable hells.
How can you get this round disc of pain in the mailbox? All you have to do is send us an e-mail at jdecloux@gmail.com with your address and “I WANT TO BE THING-ED!” in the subject line. On September 14th we’ll randomly draw the winner and send them the DVD before it starts burning a hole in reality.
Detroit Metal City (JAPAN. 2008)
“You need to know how to cut the lawn with a scythe because it’ll be good practice for when you CUT THE THROATS OF YOUR ENEMIES!”
How can you screw up a movie about Metal music? It’s so freaking AWESOME! It’s so WICKED! It’s so EASY! It’s just about as easy as lighting your hair on fire and pulling off a wicked stage slide through broken glass as you tear through the first minute of Dragon Force’s “Through the Fires and the Flame” with your teeth.
The problems are always the same: The films come off as really forced, they make fun of their audience instead of making them endearing, and most importantly, they feature crappy metal parody music instead of the real deal. Metal is inherently funny in itself so it’s only logical that we make FUN of it! Right?
First off, don't fear, Detroit Metal City has real metal music. It's rocking, fast and is meant to fill your speaker's insides with tears of amazingness! Secondly, the premise sounds exactly like a wicked three chord jam: “A young pop music fan is secretly a death metaller by night, but he hates it, because all he wants to do is fit in with the trendy crowd.” It's also rocking that Director Toshi Lee is a veteran to the world of comedy and he knows exactly when to smack the hero in the eye with a cigarette for maximum laughs. Broad slapstick may be looked down by the majority film snobs, but no one can deny that a perfectly timed kick to the groin is always a ticket to a genuine laugh. Yet, even with a firm directorial hand the cast still needs to pull their own weight and in that regard, most of the musical mayhem falls on the shoulders of star Kenichi Matsuyama (Who stole the Show as L in the live action Death Note films). It never proves to be a problem at all for the Japanese Johnny Depp like pretty-boy. He swings from playing an awkward effeminate guitar player to a white faced virgin raping hell spawn with such ease, by the end I started to think that maybe he really is secretly the lead singer in a devil fueled power trio. Every caricatured over the top mannerism has almost scientifically been engineered to make even the most jaded audience member giggle. The world of Detroit Metal City is so goofily innocent and energetic that you can’t help yourself but cheer along, even when it gets corny and the ‘Follow your Dream!’ message gets shoved in your face for what seems like an eternity. Don't worry, that's the way the Devil wants it. He wants to butter you up for the explosive climax.
Play it LOUD! Play it FAST! Play it METAL!
Saturday, September 6, 2008
Review Archives!
1941 (USA. 1979)
20 Million Miles to Earth (USA. 1957)
7th Voyage of Sinbat, The (USA. 1958)
Acolytes (AUSTRALIA, 2008)
Adventures of Baron Munchausen (USA. 1998)
Alien and Aliens (USA. 1979 and 1986)
Almost Famous (USA. 2000)
American Psycho (USA. 1999)
American Zombie (USA. 2007)
Attack of the Killer Tomatoes (USA. 1978)
Babylon A.D (USA. 2008)
Bad Biology (USA. 2008)
Bad Taste (NEW ZEALAND. 1987)
Black Six, The (USA. 1974)
Blood Heat (JAPAN. 2004)
Blood, Bullet and Octane (USA. 1998)
Boogeyman, The (USA. 1980)
Bug's Life, A (USA. 1998)
Bullet in the Head (HONG KONG. 1990)
Burn After Reading (USA. 2008)
Butcher, The (KOREA. 2007)
Cable Guy, The (USA. 1996)
Cemetery Man (ITALY. 1994)
Chaser, The (KOREA. 2008)
Chinese Ghost Story, A (HONG KONG. 1987)
Chocolate (THAILAND. 2008)
City of Violence (KOREA. 2006)
Clash of the Titans (USA. 1981)
Crows Zero (JAPAN. 2008)
Danish Pastries (?)
Dance of the Dead (USA. 2008)
Dark Knight, The (USA. 2008)
Dead End Drive-In (AUSTRALIA. 1986)
Deadgirl (USA. 2008)
Deadbeat at Dawn (USA. 1996)
Defenceless (AUSTRALIA. 2004)
Definetly Maybe (USA. 2008)
Demons (ITALY. 1985)
Detroit Metal City (JAPAN. 2008)
Dragon Squad (HONG KONG. 2007)
Eden Log (FRANCE. 2007)
Equilibrium (USA. 2002)
Farenheit 451 (USA. 1966)
Final Destination (USA. 2000)
Flashpoint (HONG KONG. 2007)
Foot Fist Way, The (USA. 2006)
Forbidden Kingdom, The (USA. 2008)
Fritz The Cat (USA. 1972)
Get Smart (USA. 2008)
Ghost Town (USA. 2008)
Golden Voyage of Sinbad, The (USA. 1974)
Hamlet 2 (USA. 2008)
Hancock (USA. 2008)
Hatchet (USA. 2006)
Heat After Dark (USA. 2008)
Hellboy (USA. 2004)
Hell's Grounds (PAKISTAN. 2007)
Hidden, The (USA. 1987)
House by the Cemetery (ITALY. 1981)
Incredible Hulk, The (USA. 2008)
Incredible, The (USA. 2004)
Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (USA. 2008) - PHILIP
Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (USA. 2008) - JUSTIN
In Hell (USA. 2003)
Inside (FRANCE. 2007)
Iron Giant, The (USA. 1999)
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia: SEASON 3 (TV) (USA. 2008)
Jabberwocky (UK. 1977)
Jack Brooks: Monster Slayer (CANADA. 2008)
Jam Film (JAPAN. 2002)
Jason and the Argonauts (USA. 1963)
Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang (USA. 2005)
KnightRiders (USA. 1981)
Kung Fu Panda (USA. 2008)
La Haine (FRANCE. 1995)
Legend (USA. 1985)
Lisa and the Devil (ITALY. 1973)
Machine Girl, The (JAPAN. 2008)
Maniac (USA. 1978)
Maniac Cop (USA. 1988)
Martin (USA. 1977)
Maurauders (AUSTRALIA. 1996)
Midnight Meat Train (USA. 2008)
Mission, The (HONG KONG. 1999)
Mutant Aliens (USA. 2001)
Mysterious Island (USA. 1961)
New Barbarians, The (ITALY 1982)
Pineapple Express (USA. 2008)
Postal (USA. 2007)
Punch Drunk Love (USA. 2002)
Pushing Daisies: SEASON ONE (TV) (USA. 2007)
Raising Arizona (USA. 1987)
Re-Animator (USA. 1985)
Rebels on a Backlot [BOOK REVIEW]
Recon 2020: The Caprini Massacre (CANADA. 2004)
Repo: The Genetic Opera (USA. 2008)
Return of the Living Dead (USA. 1985)
Rocker, The (USA. 2008)
Rules of Attraction (USA. 2002)
Saviour of the Soul (HONG KONG 1991)
Scud The Disposable Assasin [COMIC BOOK REVIEW] (USA. 2008)
Seed (USA. 2007)
Sensitive New Age Killer (AUSTRALIA. 2000)
SexyKiller (SPAIN. 2008)
Sleepless (ITALY. 2001)
Soul Searcher (UK. 2005)
Space Truckers (USA. 1998)
SPEED RACER: NARRATIVE V.S SPECTACLE (AN ESSAY BY ADAM)
SPEED RACER: P.H.D's COUNTER ARGUMENT (AN ESSAY BY PHIL)
SPEED RACER: REALISTIC ARTIFICIALITY (AN ESSAY BY JUSTIN)
Starship Troopers (USA. 1997)
Starhip Troopers 3: Maurauders (USA. 2008)
Step Brothers (USA. 2008)
Stunt Man, The (USA. 1980)
That Thing You Do (USA. 1996)
Things (CANADA. 1989)
Three Kings (USA. 1996)
Tokyo Gore Police (JAPAN. 2008)
Total Recall (USA. 1990)
Toxic Avenger, The (USA. 1985)
Transsiberian (USA. 2007)
Triangle (HONG KONG. 2007)
Tropic Thunder (USA. 2008)
Truman Show, The (USA. 1998)